what a difference a day makes...

...24 little hours... or even less!
we arrived back home late last night after 10 hours driving through the whole of France, at least the last half of that it poured down raining. When I entered the appartment, I half read the mail from the occupational disability insurance (out of stupidity), that obvioulsy does not want to give me any money despite ANY health issues I have ever had or will ever have. I had an instant guilt attack and reality check, felt all the stress of those last weeks (that I have been ignoring so efficiently during all my time in France) coming back over me like a big wave, I felt small and scared and helpless, all in an instant, as if it all collapsed on top of me and I was just buried and not able to move anymore at all. hence, there was a miniature binge followed by more guilt and disgust for myself.
great new start back home. I was so exhausted I felt sick to my stomach at 12.30 pm so I had to go to bed giving in to feeling sedated and drifting into coma.
I got up early again, feeling restless, starting a protein-detox-day and getting it all done. So here´s a short list of what I did today (just imagine I did at least two of these things at once):

• emails
  
• emails
  
• and more emails
• phonecalls.
  
• phonecalls.
  
• phone calls again (until me cannot be bothered to answer it anymore)
• getting my landlord to negotiate with my favoured subsequent tenant for my former yoga studio (who would pay me a considerable amount of money for my investments!)
• applying for my new passport ( and giving fingerprints into a computer... spooky)
• finding out about my new smartphone deals (very important, I know)
• being visited by a former co-worker, who just dropped in ( I was still in my pyjamas, talking to my soon-to-be business partner on my official landline, my sister still on my private one (she kinda lay on the table) and appeared as if she was actually worried about me closing down my studio, but in fact only wanted to find out whether I still had that Pilates equipment she is willing to buy now... (man, she can have it ;-) let all the money flow to me...)
• groceries
• looking after a yoga student I just happened to meet in the street
• being excited, exhausted and confused at the same time

hm, that might cover it. I guess I done enough for a day. since I am still officially NOT working. at least it doesn´t feel so scary now that it might all end soon. i mean my episode with owning a yoga studio and feeling tied down to it. it´s almost done. and today, i can see the freedom sneak around the corner... I can almost touch it. in me. it´s there. big breath.

So it´s almost bed time. I didn´t binge but sticked to my detox routine of probiotics-protein-shakes, some frutis and nuts, which makes me feel very proud. and detaching. slowly.
I got a lot of things done ( I need to keep telling that to myself, I might eventually believe it, too.) and I will take care of more stuff tomorrow. It is ok NOT to have it ALL done today. (see brackets above) I could very cautiously say, I am kind of happy.