I guess I have arrived

I have done something absolutely crazy today.
I MADE MY OWN DAY!!
After an early night yesterday, I got up quite early today, did some useful things, went shopping for various even more useful things with my teacher´s wife, and then... I went to the beach. By myself, by bus, first time on my own through this country. Like a normal tourist, I walk on the beach, lay out my towel, strip down to my bikini (thank God it still fits) and lay down for a little sun bath. Wow. Sometimes it´s as easy as that. I have a brilliant time, just lying there listening to the surf, reading my corny book (but loving it) and watching the surfers give their best to impress the ladies around. I am rather not so impressed but a bit shocked by the intensity of the surf and then - it itches. I want to do that, too! I want to be whirled around in that powerful waves like them!
When I first arrive to the beach I need a coke. Not a real one. A fake one. I used to be hooked on diet coke, now I go for coke zero. I don´t know why, I just happen to love the taste of it. Not despite but because of the sweeteners. anyways, i am standing at the counter of this bar, and can already see the tins in the fridge, waiting for the girl preparing coffee to give me some attention so I can mutter some not-at-all-understandable words that have the magic coke in the middle of them. But she just ignores me. that girl wears braces. And dares to serve the bunch of overly hairy and pot bellied guys that are cleary standing behind me first! am i too german or what? I thought the cueing tradition in this country was famous? Even when she finishes the coffees for the guys she doesn´t bother looking at me so I think, well I better switch on the navel now. I will not let that little bi*** ruin my perfect beach sunday. I am sick and tired of feeling wrong and unwanted anywhere. so I just shout my order out over the counter dirctly into her face. she doesn´t look at me still, no facial reaction whatsoever, but she actually opens the fridge and gives me my coke. well done me.
So having won the first fight, i had already lost the second. The sand is just too hot. i tiptoe stupidly trough the masses of perfectly tanned and shaped beach beauties (unfortunately more female examples) till I am close enough to the waterline to settle down. the burn will be gone by middle age. The look is spectacular. This is what I mean when i say beach. Rough waves, turquoise water, surfers to watch, amazing nature around. i am happy just being. And that´s what it is today. I finally am. Here. I. am. Here. And it´s good. Yesterday I still thought, I am wrong, this is all wrong, i am wrong wherever i am, today, this feeling is gone. I have arrived.
(with a little help from a good friend, i might say at this moment, not hesitating to mention that our formerly common favourite band once covered this song of Joe Cocker´s, thank you Maverick ;-))
So I enjoy some hours in the sun, nice little breeze to take off the edge of that sun, going for a short walk, having ice-cream... and on the way back to the bus, i pass again that surf school I had seen on the way out already. That I just went by cause there wasn´t anyone obviously in charge and a sign said the next class is not till next Friday which I won´t be able to make as I´ll be playing taxi driver for my teacher... I am walking by the school again and I can see some really cool guys wearing the school´s logo on their t-shirts, hanging around, being VERY cool... and I walk by and didn´t even have the guts to speak to them let alone ask them for lessons.
Maybe it´s not for me. Maybe it´s not meant to fit into my schedule that i surf here, maybe I am actually not cool enough to even try it, maybe I am not allowed to... be happy. Here we go again. For a second i get so angry, i want to scream, and then I think. Nope. I am not going home like this. I can surf if I want to. i want to live my life and DO things.
So I turn on my heels, walk back to the surf school´s cafe, and hear myself asking the guy at the counter who I can ask about surf lessons. right behind me stands one of those rocking cool guys with extremely well mirrored sunglasses, and I say to him: I want to learn how to surf. He says there´s a class tomorrow at 4.30pm. I say, great can I have a card to check the next classes in case I can´t make it. He goes, here´s my number, call me. Well done me, again. I DID IT. I made my day. of course i can make tomorrow at 4.30pm. It´s not a problem at all. So it´s all settled. Me being here. me surfing tomorrow. me starting to realize again that this is MY life, I decide, I DO, I live. Wahe Guru.