living - learning

first heard as a quote from 'Sex and the City', I have always liked these words. And yes, you can learn somethign from TV series, as these words are so true – living means learning. Or in order to be alive, you need to learn constantly. Every day.

I have learned something. And it feels great. I have understood that I am not a child anymore. That I don´t have to be afraid of anyone telling me what to do. I don´t even need to ask for permission to do anything. I am free to decide and DO myself. Terhefore, I have decided that I will act as an adult from now. I will see myself as being one. I will NOT let my inner scared child restrict me. I will just DO what I need to do. I am 30 years old, for any sake, what am I waiting for???

So instead of hoping I might get the chance to go surfing this week, I just said to my teacher´s wife, I want to take one day off during the week, which one would be best? She said Thursday, I had thought so, too, so that´s done. I hired a car from end of next week on to be able to get around here and pick up my very dear friends from the aiport who will come here to stay for a week. I have rebooked my flight home so I will have a whole week before going back to Germany and I can just travel or lie on the beach or surf or shop in Lisbon. Because I am grown-up and I can just decide what I want to do, right? I have already booked my next trip, as I only want to be home for a few days and then head on to London. Two weeks in the big city ahead. Will be quite a shock after having lived here. But I am craving for some urban adventures ;-))

It might all be small things but it was such an act of freeing myself from all that restrictions that I felt. Hiring that car, getting my needs met by asking for a free day. Things that I used to never dare. Because I always thought I will complicate the life of others so I better not ask for anything. Turns out the only reaction I ever get IF I ask for something is: 'Great!' I should really have tried earlier...

I will be here for four more weeks and it feels like time is flying by. It feels like I have only just got here. But yet, I have a good feeling about leaving again. Because I have already understood my lesson here for now. And I am working towards it. I am still really confused and lost when it comes to how my life could settle down eventually in the future and I am no further in any planning of that. But this is only the beginning. There will be much more learning ahead, difficult and easy lessons. And a lot of life to live. Happily.